February 2025

In February, while not a Buddhist holiday, in America we celebrate Valentine’s Day. In America, it’s celebrated as a festival of romantic love and people who are in a relationship, or have someone they’re interested in, show their affection by giving cards, letters, flowers, or presents to their person. They may also arrange for a romantic meal at a restaurant or their place of residence. Common symbols of the holiday are hearts, red roses, and cupid.

In Japan, they celebrate Valentine’s Day too, albeit differently. In the 1950’s, a confectionery company there began promoting heart-shaped chocolates as a Western tradition. However, since then, it has evolved into a unique culture with a multi-faceted annual custom. On February 14th, women will make chocolates that they give typically to men. On March 14th, called White Day, the favor is returned and men give gifts to women, but not necessarily homemade chocolates, and these are often more expensive.

What is most different, and what reflects the Japanese culture as a whole, is that the chocolates are given not just to a romantic partner, but to all male colleagues and acquaintances in a platonic and non-romantic context. The social obligation is even inherent in the name these have been given, as they are called “Giri Choco,” literally translated to “obligation chocolate.”

This is not to say that there are not romantic chocolates given, which are called “Honmei Choco,” or “true feeling chocolate.” And women will also give them to their girlfriends, called “Tomo Choco,” or “friend chocolate.” Finally, as an act of self-care, there are also “Jibun Choco,” or “self-chocolate” and, in this, self-love takes the form of treating oneself to nice chocolates.

Practicing Buddhism in America can be tricky sometimes because the culture is geared towards such an individualistic nature. In contrast to Japan, the notion of an expected showing of gratitude to one’s peers is so deeply woven into the fabric of the lifestyle, that it has overshadowed the most romantic holiday we observe. To be clear, I am not saying that we need to change our customs, or that you shouldn’t have a special dinner with your special someone. Rather, that on most days we do not have the awareness to be appreciative of the people who support us on a daily basis. Therefore, it is important for us to take the time to think about them and express our thankfulness in one or another, chocolates or otherwise.

Gassho,

Rev. Matt